INTRODUCTION

Nostalgia, understood as the ability to invoke memories and make cuts of them, and put them into perspective, allows finding in the memories of past people and places the elements that provide actions and experiences with meaning. In this text we turn to nostalgia as an analytical category in line with the postulates of ^{Wilson (2015)} , who posits nostalgia as a complex, temporal and spatial experience, as well as a cultural, social and mnemic one.³ Thus, nostalgia, as a social emotion, falls within geographical (temporal and spatial), social (cultural norms) and psychic elements, whereas its mnemic element reflects the particular ways in which certain events are recorded in the memory of each individual. We also make use of concepts by ^{Davis (1979)} , who explains how nostalgia facilitates the continuity of identity, particularly in times of transition. There are three types of nostalgia: simple or first order, reflective or second order, and interpretive or third order; and by ^{Blunt (2003)} who, similarly, calls the latter productive nostalgia.

We start from the premise that mobility is an integral aspect of social life, where in processes such as displacement, rupture and duel, emotional experiences are found. Although Borges’ epigraph to nostalgia appears non-sensical and a paradox, it displays how in nostalgia there are multiple forms, times, senses, places and, above all, movements; it also refers to an emotion that does not necessarily takes place in the past, but is lived again from helical movements and feelings of joy in different places, spaces and times, as well as flavors and sounds that appeal to the senses. It can be said that this way of being in the world arising from experiencing nostalgia manifests itself with greater force during mobilities and migratory processes.

METHODOLOGY

When analyzing the nostalgic experience in migration, we made use of narratives provided within the framework of a qualitative study on eating and health habits, carried out in 2015-2016 on Mexican migrant families in New York. Through in-depth interviews and participant observation, information was obtained on the sociodemographic characteristics and gender conditions of the participants, as well as on their daily activities, eating habits, exercise, health care, recreational and work activities, and personal and social relationships.

We interviewed 35 migrants (23 women and 12 men) under different sociodemographic, legal and economic situations in New York: 26 are married, 20 are without legal status and 15 do have identity papers, 17 have young children and 12 have children over 18, 10 are middle-class economic level. Almost a third come from Oaxaca (10), while the rest are native to the State of Mexico, Michoacán, Guanajuato, Yucatán, Puebla, Sinaloa, Morelos, Chiapas, Mexico City and Tamaulipas. The average time of residence in the United States is 12.5 years and, at the time of the interview, participants lived in different locations including large urban centers such as New York, Brooklyn and Queens (10), small cities such as Saratoga and Albany (15), and suburban and semi-rural contexts such as Latham, Delmar, Bethlehem, Glenmont and Slingerland (10).

The interviews were conducted in several sessions and either individually, as a couple or as a family; they were recorded with the informed consent of the participants and, in order to keep anonymity, all the names in this text are fictitious. The common thread in the interviews focused on old and new eating habits, family care and health strategies, and Mexican food as an object of nostalgia. This analysis looks for the expressions of nostalgia of Mexican migrants in the process of creating a significant place outside their original home. We believe that sociological studies, home geographies and belonging aid in theorizing the connections between emotion, affection and place in the study of mobility.

THE EXPERIENCE OF NOSTALGIA: RESULTS AND DISCUSSION

Following ^{Davis (1979)} , we can identify in the narratives of the informants in this study the three types of nostalgia indicated by this author. It should be noted that linear discourses are not to be found and that the rather helical form of nostalgia is expressed in a continuous swinging of sensations and experiences that flow and transition from one type of nostalgia to another and, sometimes, even in the same memory narrated by the same subjects. Likewise, we found substantive differences by time of residence in the host country, immigration status –migrants with a legal status are more likely to travel back to Mexico than undocumented immigrants, from which they experience different intensities of nostalgia–, gender status and children’s age.

Regarding simple nostalgia, the most common topics refer to romantic and idealized longing for family relationships, childhood spaces, traditions and customs of Mexico, the differences in use of time in both countries and, especially, the taste of food, which we will further address in a special section. According to the features of this type of nostalgia, the trend is to compare aspects of daily life in both spaces, resulting in an overvaluation of the country of origin:

One misses Mexico because of family, traditions and stuff… (Hilario, 35 years old, three children, married and without legal status, Oaxaca; personal communication, May 15, 2015).

I lived six months in North Carolina; then, I came here and I had to change my life because you arrive with nothing; and if you are used to living well in Mexico, you are here and say: “What am I going to do here?” Yes, it’s hard (Gloria, 48 years old, three children, married and with legal status, Guanajuato; personal communication, March 3, 2015).

In Mexico there are many more traditions for children to learn from. Christmas [here] is only December 24 and 25. In Mexico, it begins on December 16 or 18. There are so many things to teach them… The meaning of Christmas… Christmas here means gifts, and it's not that simple... (Regina, 31 years old, two daughters, married and without legal status, Oaxaca; personal communication, June 17, 2015).

Time is what shocks me the most when I go to Mexico. Time... how they take advantage of it and how Americans do it. Here time is not wasted (Salvador, 52 years old, two children, married and with legal status, Mexico City; personal communication, February 4, 2015).

Yes. What happens is that here you’re indoors all the time and can’t exercise. On the other hand, there is a lot of time in Mexico, a lot of time; so you can play soccer on weekends or… do whatever sport and time doesn't feel the same (Julián, 30 years old, childless, married and without legal status, Mexico City; personal communication, October 6, 2016).

Here, nobody tells you: “Hey, what’s up? Let’s go for a walk!” They do it in Mexico. Here, life is more inwards than outwards, and lonelier (Sofia, 32 years old, childless, common law marriage and with legal status, Michoacán; personal communication, August 5, 2015).

When you are here, you have to take off everything you were in Mexico and live the way it’s here. Here, when a woman lives with her family or, for example, I live with the tenant, my brother-in-law and my husband, so I am the mother. Everything here is hard; here, you have to focus on your one thing. You don't have a life of your own (Amalia, 33 years old, two children, married, without legal status, Puebla; personal communication, September 22, 2016).

A simple constant of nostalgia that is clearly seen in the previous testimonies is the reference to here and there, which shows how a new spatial configuration of the domestic is elaborated in situations of physical mobilization, and how in such conditions what is distant and close in subjective terms implies social, affective and cultural distances. Concurrently saying here to refer to the United States and/or their current environment, and there to refer to Mexico and their past living conditions implies differentiated and recreated spaces within the same narrative, used to express spatio-temporal distances between ways of living that are perceived as distant and distinct.

The transcribed fragments also make it clear that those who migrate cling to fixed beliefs or ideas about food and the ways of coexistence in their original countries, which allows them not to lose their former home as a reference point. For example, the assessment that in Mexico there is more space, more things to do, less time is spent indoors and there is more leisure time is due to the tendency to idealize the place of origin and to strengthen the loyalty to Mexico –regardless of mobility expectations–.

Regarding reflective nostalgia, we find it mainly in those migrants who have spent more time in the host country. They face ambivalent feelings that go from appreciating the benefits of living in the United States to the desire not to lose national identity and culture. At the same time, they experience rejection towards certain aspects of life in their country of origin, which introduces greater complexity and allows them to overcome the romantic vision of simple nostalgia. The following testimonials account for the above:

Leaving the family is hard. We miss Mexico a lot. The first year I dreamed I was back home. I wanted to go home, but I kept telling myself: “No, I can’t, I can’t” and over time, you adapt... (Rosa, 46 years old, three daughters, married, with legal status, Chiapas; personal communication, October 4, 2015).

It was a major change. At first, you have nothing, either economically or the tools or where to find them… but after you settle, you have more access to stuff and then you can make decisions (Salvador, 52 years old, two children, married, with legal status, Mexico City; personal communication, February 4, 2015).

As I say: “It would be better to be in Mexico” But how? Mexico is far from great too… What do they do in Mexico? They kidnap people. There are many bad things. I feel safer here with my children. Sure, traditions and everything is beautiful there, but it depends… Many people have suffered and I cannot live in peace there or enjoy what I have… I'd rather stay here … (Isabel, 31 years old, three children, married, with legal status, Oaxaca; personal communication, April 18, 2015).

Regarding interpretive or productive nostalgia, migrants who have lived longer in the destination country and who have older children are the ones who express most clearly the number of emotional strategies they make use of to either adapt or resist the American lifestyle (some authors ( ^{Baucells, 2001} ) call this phenomena acculturation processes). Among these strategies we find that families perform a series of emotional acts that symbolically link them to the place of origin so as not to lose their roots: they sell Mexican food to co-nationals, decorate their homes with elements of Mexican culture, attend dance events and mass in Spanish at Catholic churches. These actions represent productive forms of nostalgia, in which the reasons to perform these activities are anchored in the emotional plane.

One aspect that clearly shows us the thin line between reflective nostalgia and productive nostalgia refers to the ambivalent feelings of returning home to the country of origin, the realizing of the actual possibilities of achieving that, and the future scenarios that migrants imagine under the expectation of conciliating their real situation with their desires. Although many migrants had the desire to return permanently to Mexico and argued that they worked to achieve the optimal conditions for doing so, they also thought about the existing impediments to achieve it. Their reasons were based on the fact that their children born or raised in the host country would not adapt to their country of origin and/or that their whole family was already in the United States. These reasons strengthened and tilted the balance towards the decision to stay or postpone their return in order not to disturb the family unit.

As he told us: “Mom, I’m not going to live in Mexico. I grew up here and I have friends here... if you leave, I will visit you, but I will not live there.” My husband says: “Yes, we will return to Mexico,” but we have not returned yet; we are still here… We’re always about to leave, but we’re still here… (Consuelo, 38 years old, three children, without legal status, State of Mexico; personal communication; July 20, 2015).

I wanted to say: “Let’s go back to Mexico, I don’t want to stay here…” I didn’t eat because I was depressed. I wanted to tell my husband: “You know what? I'm going to Mexico, I’d rather lose you. I’m leaving.” But I also didn’t want to hurt him or make him feel guilty of all this, because when they come here, we cling to them, we also want to come and then... It didn’t interest me at all [learning English], because returning to Mexico was always in my mind. My husband was telling me: “Wait 15 days and I’ll send you back to Mexico,” because I wanted to go back right away, I didn’t like the United States. Those 15 days never passed... It’s been 15 years already... because it’s hard...

Interviewer: Do you still want to go back to Mexico?

No, not anymore; my children have grown up. My children are settling down here. My daughter is married to a Mexican, but her daughters already got used to this life, and my son is studying and says: “Mom, I won’t return to Mexico” (Gloria, 48 years old, three children, married, with legal status, Guanajuato; personal communication, March 3, 2015).

The tension between adapting to the way of life in the United States and the desire to return home is the closing or opening of subjective borders, rather than a real impediment ( ^{Marte, 2008} ). In this regard, families are not located clearly or definitively in either of these two positions (adaptation or return), but rather they lean to one side or the other depending on certain moments or situations experienced, including the age of their children. It is important to highlight this process, since it allowed us to glimpse a more nostalgic discourse among those who, due to their status as undocumented immigrants, had not visited Mexico for a long time or ever since their arrival in the U.S.; unlike those that could come and go more easily and safely. In the case of migrants with couples and/or children, nostalgia for the country of origin emerges as a bittersweet memory that fades away when comparing the pragmatic and subjective costs of returning to Mexico or staying in the United States.

In accordance with the above, they prefer to keep on experiencing a relative and subjective suffering living far from their families, home or country of origin, so as not to change everyday life and return to a space that has changed and is no longer the same as when they migrated. The longing for the taste of dishes guides and mobilizes food practices; however, there are other factors that affect their habits, such as their children's preferences and ingredient availability. Undoubtedly, customs, festivities and cuisine are reinterpreted by nostalgia and fueled by national identity, yet also by new cultural possibilities fostered by children or support networks.

It is interesting to point out the new ways in which migrant women reformulate what their ideal life project would be, stemming from the acknowledgment of their particular economic conditions and immigration status:

If I had papers and money, I would go to Mexico at least twice a year, visit my family over there and then return to my children here. That’s how I see my life: divided between two countries… (Micaela, 35 years old, two children, separated, without legal status, Morelos; personal communication, October 8, 2016).

I would like to be like you [she means the interviewer and first author of this text]. You can come and go whenever you want. I could do it because I have papers, but I don’t have much money… That way, I would have the best of both countries. I could be here and there, that would be perfect… (Olga, 50 years old, three children, married, with legal status, Oaxaca; personal communication, October 10, 2016).

CONCLUSIONS

In the process of mobility, nostalgia appears in narratives in a simple and romantic way by comparing current feelings in relation to what was experienced during the process of transition from one home to another. Migration processes involve experiences of loss due to the separation from family and primary support networks, while strengthening new networks that allow the transitioning and settling down in the destination country. It also operates a displacement that acquires meaning with the idea of sacrifice and instills the promise the promise that things will improve in the future. The narratives that deal with these processes are loaded with ambivalent feelings born from both distance and the desire to build new personal spaces, relationships of reciprocity, and fulfillment of the expectations and life project that caused mobility in the first place; they are ambivalent feelings that go back and forth from reflective to productive nostalgia.

Narratives showed how nostalgia clearly fluctuated in three ways: the longing for a certain taste and way (of food and life), for family relationships and traditions at home, and for perceptions about time. The presence of a romanticized discourse about the eras and places of childhood, the evocation of country and culture, of traditions and celebrations, makes it obvious that simple nostalgia is experienced more frequently. The desire to return to an idealized home was a constant in the discourse; although, the impossibility of achieving such return was also acknowledged, as were the multiple aspects that evidence acculturation and the advantages of the income and the raising of children in the United States.

As for reflective nostalgia, ambivalent feelings towards situations in both countries provide accounts of more elaborate and thoughtful narratives about the expectations migrants had when leaving Mexico and how they have transformed during their stay in the United States. Likewise, the contact with people of different nationalities in school or work environments, and the access to food from other countries both transform everyday cultural beliefs.

On the other hand, the American lifestyle also creates tensions and tends to modify the imaginaries and nostalgic experiences based on age, sex, immigration status and occupation. Undoubtedly, these markers structure in a differential way the relations with the past and with existing nostalgic possibilities, giving way to productive nostalgia, which implies duel for what is left behind in the country of origin, the gradual adaptation to the host country and the reformulation of the life project.

Therefore, being a valuable affective experience, nostalgia is an object of study that allows us to understand how mobile people participate in the dynamic and complex process of rebuilding home in a new location. Our interest in inquiring about nostalgia in everyday life is due to the fact that it is a place of memory with strong emotional load (Javeau cited in ^{Lindón, 2000} ), as well as a source wherefrom specific meanings linked to situations experienced by people at different spatio-temporal scales can be evoked. Although the social and cultural structures of memory guide the process of nostalgia and allow us to glimpse patterns of nostalgia on certain issues, it is important to keep in mind that individual memory provides such structures with meaning in particular ways.

Nostalgia as a concept is thus a heterogeneous construct made up of diverse elements that interweave and configure different ways of longing. Therefore, the impossibility of understanding it in a unique and totalizing manner must be recognized. What we rather have are multiple forms of nostalgia expressions that can be found in the migratory narrative, as well as certain cultural logics that support and reproduce it. Finally, it must be remembered that the movements of nostalgia are constantly reinterpreted. Just like political, economic and social conditions are extremely changing due to globalization, notions about culture and food will also gradually transform through individual and collective cultural interactions. This will in turn modify the emotions that people experience and the ways in which they act through symbolic exercises of power.

Among the topics open to future research, we consider it relevant to point out the way in which nostalgia acquires new textures, scales and tones from information technologies and the use of the Internet, which shorten distances and create new communication experiences and links. Another significant aspect important to further address in depth is the way in which nostalgic cultural elements tend to reinforce or transform the hegemonic patterns of gender in family dynamics, parenting, home care and the labor environment of migrants.